How criticism can be your kryptonite or rocket fuel!

Oh heck ya! Bring it on! Typically words you do not hear most people say about criticism and, I must admit, I never initially react that way to it.  Like most people, I struggle with criticism which is quite different from constructive feedback. One builds, one destroys. One easy check: is what I’m saying being done to serve the other person or my ego?

Criticism stings and it can tear us down and hold us back from our full potential if we let it. There are, however, some incredible ways to use criticism to your advantage!

Breakthroughs

Upon reflection, I’ve realized that two of my biggest breakthroughs in life have come from criticism. When I wrote my first book “Relationship ROI” I promoted my BAAM series which had a fun and quirky vibe. Many of my photos I was pretending to knock out the competition with a punch move. I had a ton of fun at the photoshoot, launched my program and then WHAM! I was the one sucker punched! I saw a group chat that I wasn’t intended to see, and my heart was torn. “Who does she think she is”, “She looks ridiculous”. I was devastated. Gutted for about twenty-four hours until my coach Kristen at the time reminded me that some people cannot handle watching other people accomplish what they’re afraid to do! BOOYAH! And so, I learned to embrace my silliness and fun pictures and not give a rip what they said.

The second hit was recent. I was very nervous about posting my thoughts on leadership and lessons that I wrote about in “Leadership ROI” on LinkedIn. It was one thing for me to show up and be casual on Instagram, and a totally different ballgame in from of my professional peers. I wanted to be an example and role model to my team so I summoned the courage and posted. And then, my worst fears came true! Someone in my professional community pulled me aside and itemized a list of things I did wrong in my “unprofessional” videos and once again I was gutted. This time, I took immediate action. I hired a speaking coach, found a mentor who taught me how to structure my talk. I spent HOURS on the weekend practicing my one-minute shoots. Then I started worrying about the lighting, the sounds, perfection, the list goes on. And then, an epiphany. I wasn’t serving my community at the highest level because I wasn’t thinking about the impact anymore, I was thinking about lighting – how stupid! So, I shared a heartfelt and imperfect video sharing my experience on LinkedIn and let people know that from now on I would share from the heart and if I said “um” then SO WHAT?! If you didn’t like the technical nonsense, scroll on friend! It was a huge breakthrough and an incredibly liberating experience!

Brings clarity

When you experience criticism and judgement from people near to you, it sheds a light on their issues and not yours. As I alluded to above, my coach Kristen pointed out that I was making my friends feel uncomfortable because they saw me stretching, demonstrating courage and expressing myself in a way they couldn’t. Chances are your critic has a judgmental spirit in all of their interactions and relationships. They may not even have the self-awareness to recognize its impact. All of this said, criticism can be a blessing because it brings clarity to the relationships. Don’t take advice or criticism from people who aren’t in the battlefield themselves!

To quote Theodore Roosevelt:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Discover the Lessons

Be open to the lessons that come from criticism. This is a terrific time to reflect, be vulnerable and really tap in to the meaning that we’re putting behind other peoples’ opinions. I’ve been guilty of getting into a negative loop when I replay what the critic has said but that doesn’t help me grow and it won’t help you grow either.

Ask yourself these questions in reflection to discover the lessons.

• Why did that person’s criticism sting so much?
• What one positive action step can I take to improve my skills in this area?
• What do I know to be true about myself that contradicts their criticism?
• How will I handle myself when I’m tempted to criticize?
• What advice would I give a friend who has just experienced criticism and is feeling devastated?

There are gifts in every interaction we have, even if we don’t understand them at the time. Criticism can destroy us or we can use it as fuel to accelerate our personal development and feel empowered moving forward! I hope that this will re-frame your thinking the next time you feel knocked down.

As always, we would love to hear if you have any tips on how to bounce back quickly from criticism. Share your stories and quotes below!